Apabila tempat ini sudah bersawang =___=

Ok. Nama pun laman sesawang kan. Mestilah bersawang gak kan. heee.
*ko memang lah, wahai allan suka kasi alasan xmunasabah tolong jadi orang sikit oiii*
err. ok. memandangkan aku kegeraman aku melihat my super hot gojes miss Hanis Zalikha, maka terdetik jugak aku nak post jugak hari ini walaupun sebenarnya tak ada point nak cakap padahal kalau dok teremenung sorang2 ataupun dok diam2 membonceng motor hausmet di belakang tu akan datang segala ilham siap bersusun ayatnya namun disebabkan tidak ada masa langsung nak taip maka segala nukilan hati dan perasaan berkubur begitu sahaja di dalam salah satu ganglioksida ku adoiii =___=
oh ya. bukan setakat miss HZ jek... rupa2nya seisi keluarga HZ berbelogging kau... monsterjambu (iaitu adik2 HZ) dan maknya aku lupa dah nama nya tapi korg sefamily ni mmg gler ahh sumer kaki bloging banyak cerita korg kongsi mmg mcm dah kenal kelaurga korg sejak azali gitu haha...
How's my life? well honestly mmg sangat penat dan setiap kali kau tanya jawapannya tidak akan berbeda pasti akan ku kata teramat amat amat la penat kan aku mmg tension la adoiiii kenapa kenapa kenapa aku tersangkut di tempat ini huhhhhh------ =___=

Ok allan. tarik nafas. hembus. tarik lagi. hembussss.
dah. xleh buat banyak nanti bagai mau org pecah air ketuban je gamaknya. -.-

hmmm apa lagi apa lagi apa lagi mau dibebelkan sebenarnya aku dah takda point makkk tolonglah saya saya dah malu sesegan pulak ni patut lah kau asik bersawang je blog ni gamaknya asik xda idea nak taip padahal dalam stor memori otak genit ko tu sebenarnya banyak je kan nak cerita tapi memandangkan nanti ada stalker nak memfitnah aku jadi yg mana tak patut tu aku simpan jelah kan tapi eh hanis tu citer je sumer kat org ramai dan hidup dia aku tgk aman bahagia sejahtera je tanpa gangguan segala bagai adoiii memang sama ada aku ni paranoid atau pun yg sebenar benar benarnya kan kan kan allan ni pemalas nak berbelog je kan kan kan aku pening nak taip segala bagai sepanjang masa aku ni jenis nak membebel je gamaknya sampai aku citer kat sumer org dgr ke xdgr yg penting mesej bebelan aku sampai pada semua sampai puas hati aku lepas segala terbuku di hati maka saya mintak maap la kepada sesiapa yg telinganya panas atau yg masanya terbuang kepada aku kan kan so mintak maap zahir batin la ye alang2 nak deepavali ni kan ko yenna oiiiiiiiiii~~

huh. memang semenjak dua menjak ni ayat aku sumer senafas tidak berhenti maka tiada jugalah titik noktah yg banyak kali ni so korg cuba baca laju2 kasi sama speed mcm aku bebelkan ni xpe3 xkena saman kalo baca melebihi had laju baccan anda puhh aku buat perangai lagi kan kan kan adoiiiiii~~~

hurm xpelah. taw2 je kan, xda benda nak cakap. last2 tgk panjang gak. kesengalan tol. oh well. wish me for finals anyway~
oh, aku xcerita pasal aku nyer finals eh eh eh? heee my bad... it's just just just around the corner, i really3 need a miracle to maintain the value of aprroximate 3... mak jgn putus asa dgn saya ok... huhu~
ok sekian. (X___x)

Selingan

Al-kisah aku tersangat bz selepas naik cuti semester kelmarin..
Tersangat bz sampaikan bersawang balik aku punya blog ni.. sorry~ =_=
So, any updates mmg aku letak kat FB jelah, macam biasa..

Life's been like hell since i was back here in campus.. and lagi bz dari sem2 sebelum ni.. Gosh. I really hate everything about my course right now.
Well, org ckp kelas masak2 mcm kulinari tu best. seronok. macam2 nak dimasaknya cik kiah oii~
truth is, it's hell. Pernah tgk Hell's ktichen kat AFC?
ha macam tulah seksanya. benci~

In fact, my life has been restricted becoz of that.
Social life yg xpuas dh. Even nak main FB pun xenjoy.
Xtaw pun apa yg jadi kat member2 aku yg disayangi sekalian...
Dak2 FAC, geng KITA, and few more frens that are the dearest to my heart...
sorrylah xamik tau pasal korg..
tibe2 ada yg in a relationship la, ada yg ada konflik la, mcm2 hal la korg..
t ada masa kita hapdate story ya kwn2~~

well, bkn stakat FB..
nak tido pun rasa bersalah..
benci.
ya ar. Lab ada 3 sem ni.
so mmg sgt bz la.. asik keja nak keja buat lab repot la..
mcm haram~ grrrr...

err, sbenarnya nak ucap kat korg,
selamat menyambut ramadhan al-mubarak..
tibe2 jadi post emo plak teehee..
(but anyway, sejak dua menjak ni aku mmg asik emo je kan~ huh~ -_-)

So, that's all for now..
Kalo rajin i'll update more, if not,
jumpalah di hari raya nanti~

sekian =_+

The Loneliest Day Ever :(

28th June.
Well, that's my birthday..
At least to those who really3 remembered it...

Today is (or was) 28 June, year 2010..
And it was on my semester holidays..
Unlike on previous years, I expected this time around, my birthday should be much more fun and enjoyable!
But it was not. :(

27th June, 9.00 pm.
I just realized it was my birthday tomorrow!
Well, I was expecting my birthday around the corner.. I was aware it was June!
But, how could I missed the exact date? Seeing the date on my laptop, then it got to my sense.. I'm 20 in a few hours! Damn.. :(
But no matter, I'll be count-downing that moment, what will be, will be!!
I was still chatting with few of my friends, surprisingly no one was aware of my countdown.. :(

28th June, 12.00 midnight.
People started to wish me Happy Birthday! I was happy!
Within the next 30 min, my wall was packed with wishes from various friends that I knew during the course of my life.. I was touched..

Despite that, no midnight surprises.. Oh well..

28th June, 1.00 am.
Okay.. Is it me, or my birthday wishes was the courtesy of Facebook?
Yeah, it was. Thanks to that, everyone in my friends list was reminded that today IS my birthday..
Oh well, at least few noticed that and bothered to greet me anyway..
So, credits to Facebook..

(hey, I'm guilty myself. So no harm done.)

28th June, 2.30 am.
A very best friend of mine from high school YM-ed me, and chatted with me for over an hour.. Not anything related to my birthday, but he was consulting me about his problem.. Being a good friend of his, I heard his problem and gave him a solution..
Thank goodness, I did have a solution to his problem. Case closed, and I'm glad to do goodness on my birthday.. (although he did not realize my birthday at all.)

28th June, 4.30 am.
My wall started to cool down, and so I decided to have a well-deserved nap..
Sweet dreams, may my day be a bliss!

28th June, 9.00 am.
I woke up, but the bed was too comfy.. Ah, another snooze, and I'll be fine~

28th June, 11.15 am.
Gosh! Overslept! But I was doing okay.. My mother called from work (no need to know what my mother's work anyway.. It's complicated), and so she asked me to get ready and we (me, father, her, and another person) can all go out in a moment..

28th June, 11.45 am.
Got my long beauty bath, and I was doing my hair, everything!
It's my birthday, and I should look good! I'm 20 today!
(Gosh. I am old. @___@ )
No matter.. I'm looking good~

28th June, 11.55 am.
This is the exact time when I was born.. (Yeah, I remembered most details in my birth cert..) But, no words from my mom..

28th June, 12.45 noon.
We're almost at Jaya Jusco Permas Jaya.
During a light conversation in the car (and that somebody else was driving, using the company's car) my mother suddenly remembered (read my words.. suddenly remembered) that it was my birthday.. Somehow she managed to get that detail from her memory.. Gosh.
Ok! At least she wished you. Fine.

28th June, 1.15 pm.
Mother decided to grab a bite at the Old Town White Coffee cafe..
Ok, I don't mind. We had toasts (yeah, toasts. boringgggggggggg)
During those bites, my parents was lecturing me about, everything!
"Have you started packing?" "Err, soon?" "OMG!! yep yep yep.."
"Careful driving!!! yep yep yep"
"I've looked your bank account, what have you been doing? yep yep yep"

Gosh. For god's sake, it's my birthday! They didn't took the effort to make me feel it was my birthday today. grrrrrr.

28th June, 1.45 pm.
My mom was doing the groceries around. (This is her work. Yeah, again. It's complicated.)
I was around and about, looking stuffs that I need to buy before I go back to my uni.
Sigh. Holiday's are almost over.
Alas, nothing was available.. (seriously, hypermarkets here, are not as diverse with products, as in KL.. but that nagging needs to hold. I've got bigger issues here..)
So, I got nothing for myself. None.

28th June, 2.15 pm.
I was supposed to follow my mother and continues grocery shopping at Cold Storage and somewhere else. That's my kind of outing with my mother. Seems boring, but this is the kind of outing that existed between us. huhu..

Unfortunately, my father has better ideas. I have to go to the bank. An errant that has to be done.
Sigh. Fine then.

28th June, 2.20 pm.
Mother dropped us off, and I drove with father to ___bank. Guess what I was supposed to do? Get a new account book. The previous one was already full, since I got it since 2005. #$^%$^%$^&*&%^$##.
Why today???? Any day but today????????? ^*&^&*%^&%*(**(.

28th June. 2.25 pm.
I was queuing for this bloody account book. The effing bloody account book.
Patience is virtue anyway. (is it? Not!!)
Why la these M'sians have to cut queue in the bank!
#$%^^&*&... Do I need to cope with this?
On my birthday?????

28th June. 3.00 pm.
I've wasted my birthday in the bank.
The bloody effing bank. With slowpoke services.
When I could enjoy it somewhere else. %&&%*(^&%^&...

28th June. 3.10 pm.
Home. Home bloody home.
I'm reaching my boiling point now.
I didn't bother to have lunch.

28th June. 3.11 pm.
Facebooking. Still, more wall posts coming in.
Seriously, did Facebook only noticed my birthday???
(I mean Facebook. Not my certain unconcerned friends.)

28th June. 4.00 pm.
My mother asked me to pick her up from work. Fine.
Drove down to her workplace, but what the heck?
Detour.. Got myself a topup (Still, my phone was as dead as a frozen fish. Just one or two person was still in contact.. grrrr..)
And to cheer myself up, I got myself a cool-blog! (that sweet drink with that wrapped thingy watsoeva n it got "pearls" inside the drink? yeah that.)

28th June. 4.20 pm.
Had a quick stop to a friend's place, she gave me few stuffs, and I gave her this new shirt that didn't fit me..
But then, mother called. Demanding me to pick her up at that instant.
God. *took a deeeeeep breath*

28th June. 4.30 pm.
Mother was yapping again. Commenting about my driving watsoeva.
(How could I drive well? I was fury.)
I am reaching my breaking point.
Why won't you realize it's your son's birthday????????????????

28th June. 4.31 pm.
Dozens of missed call from my father.
I can drive okay??????

28th June. 4.40 pm.
Reached home. No parking.
Squeezed the car somewhere in between. I couldn't care even more.
Mother just rushed in. She needs her lunch.
And I was left to drag all of these bloody groceries (that she got for home, separated from her work, you wouldn't know what I mean.)
My parents wouldn't even cared. I dragged everything in.
And as usual, heavy work = sweating like a pig. &(*&)(*)^&*%^*&....

28th June. 4.50 pm.
Dumped the whole lot in the kitchen.
Got into my room. Changed. Bathed. Facebooking.

28th June. 5.15 pm.
My mother couldn't stop bothering me for the day.
She yapped about something. But I can't take it anymore.
If it's a normal day. Fine. Put up with it.
But today was wayyyyyyyyy to much hell.

28th June. 5.18 pm.
Left and rushed to my room.
"There he goes again. You can't anything anymore these days, and he'll be off just like that. Sulking whatever."
Ok. That statement of mother crossed the line.
You treated your son just perfectly on his birthday. )*^&%$^$^&....

28th June. 5.25 pm.
Breakdown. I cried. And cried.
I'm soooooooooooo enjoying my birthday.
Son of a *)^&% .
Now where's my friend to celebrate my birthday?
NONE! everyone was on through Facebook.
Effing hell!! No one bothered to even consider a celebration for my birthday.
NONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Come on.. Don't cheat on me.
It's holiday. My friends are at home.
I'm at home. Home effing home.
Some got their own ride.
Some could do it. But then. No one bothered.

Don't you come and say "heyyyy, so sorryyyyy.. It's not like we didn't forget you or so...."
Because it's a damn lie.
Some of you were having a dinner out together, by the way.


Yeah. It's Dated today. 28th June.




Besties huh? Great. Extraordinarily great.

I was dissapointed. Extremely.
Now I knew (no, now i confirmed 100%)
that some of you didn't want me around in the first place.
I'm the one who's idiot enough to tag along with the previous programmes.
Until I had issues with my mother. Lots of times. Stupid sacrifices.

And those others, I've nothing more to say..
I hoped that somebody, I mean somebody, could come down and greet me for real.
I didn't get any phone calls anyway. Just the Facebook. grrrrr.
Except for one or two, I've no idea what's going on anymore..

I just realized that i can make free calls for the whole day, but nobody's worth of my call...

(To those who feels bad about this post, I'm sorry. I'm just having an extremely bad birthday. You wouldn't know, anyway.)

28th June. 6.00 pm.
Laying down on the floor.
Thinking. I'm 20.
Celebrating my birthday by myself.
On the floor.

28th June. 7.00 pm.
Anyone? Hangouts or something?
Please????????????????

28th June. 8.00 pm.
Last call.. Anyone??
Please... I beg you.... (T_T)

28th June. 8.10 pm.
I didn't bother to get out of the room.
Didn't bother to help my mother in the kitchen.
Heartbroken.
I don't care anything for now.
Numb.
Offended with my parents.
Offended with my friends.

28th June. 8.40 pm.
Dinner.
No appetite.
Just plain rice n dishes.
Thanks mother, but it's as the same as any other ordinary day.

28th June. 9.00 pm.
Great. Another thing I've realized.
My 4 brothers n 2 sisters.
and none wished me.
none.

28th June. 10.00 pm.
I give up.
My life sucks.
And it sucks like hell.

28th June. 11.00 pm.
Late posters on the wall, here they come.
Thanks alot, anyway.. At least you had an effort there..

28th June. 11.45 pm.
Wow. My birthday was so far so good. NOT.

29th June. 12.00 midnight.
It's official. I've celebrated my birthday with house curfews,
continuous nagging and no birthday cake.
Great. Extremely great.

And I thought having a birthday on a holiday would make a change once in a while..
Finally a one fine day to celebrate happily with my family and friends.
Guess it didn't go as what I imagined.

29th June. 4.00 pm.
Putting the dot on this post.
A million thanks to those who wished me birthday by Facebook, SMS or instant message (YM).
I hope that this post did not offend you, it's just me telling the truth of how i felt the moment i was 20 today.
Well, at least you bothered to wish me online though.
It's the thought that matters.

It's the thought that matters.

Puasa Bloging... Say What???

Haha... Tengok title pun dah pelik..
Inilah kesan dah lama tak blogging...
So kira aku tengah puasa blogging la tu kan? teehee~
*padahal alasan semata-mata kot. tak guna ko mamat~*

So sorry sebab dah lama tak isi blog ni dengan citer-citer aku..
Dan since few months back aku dok letak dalam blog ni cerita-cerita lawak yang ntah pape ntah.. soweee~~~
Itu kira macam iklan la,, sementara korg menanti post aku,
(yang xpernah2 rajin nak buat) aku letak la benda2 yg mungkin korg enjoy...
sampaikan bilangan iklan tu lebih banyak dari total post aku taun lepas.. haha~



Cerita ada je yang nak dikongsi, tapi bile nak amik masa duduk dan nak menaip segala kisah yang aku nak story kat korg, jd malas la pulak..
Penghabisan aku dok main FB jek... sengal~ haha...
Nak buat camne, FB is sooo addictive!! lol~
Bayangkan, status aku since February 2009 - June 2010 ada sebanyak 592 posts! OMG!
(and this is real!!!~ siyesly~) Kalaulah blog post aku pun sebanyak itu.. Huh~
*xkan jadi nya... nak buat satu pun berjanggut menunggu~*



*kalaulah post aku banyak gini~ adeh~*

Anyway, kalo ada free time pun, penghabisan aku hibernate memanjang~ zzzzzzzzzzz~



And yang paling lawak tu, how in the world aku leh sentuh aku nye blog balik??
Gosh.. I wonder myself~ (_ _")>
Maybe sebab semakin ramai yang terjumpa blog aku.. (well, aku tak expect any readers pun kat blog aku.. xfeymes mana pun.. huhu)
Pastu siap kutuk blog aku bersawang la.. Adeh...
Ok la.. finally aku pun kasi update balik la blog ini~ (macam xikhlas jek.. *ye ar.. ngantok nih* ciss!)

Plus, aku "tersurf" blog org len.. (well, tak la tak sengaja sgt,, :P)
such blog like Hanis Zalikha, Kak Senduk, Jaytea Abdul, Oh tidak!, iamherleena...
ok la, iamherleena tu membe aku nyer.. xsangka ko pun dah ada blog.. heh~
tapi yang len tu siyes best giler!!!!
HZ ada karisma dalam post dia.. so sweet!!! boleh diabetes aku dibuatnya~
Kak Senduk.. well, err.. not your typical person, but post dia somehow best giler!
Setiap post dia aku baca, aku tergelak sampai nak kejang rahang ni.. haha~
And jaytea.. dia punya pun sgt sweet~ huhu..
Blog Oh Tidak! pulak kan, oh yes! so panas!! haha~ informatif n fun.. the best la!!

One thing la guys, blog depa ni sume so laid back taw...
Sgt meyenangkan mata, dan banner pun sgt kena!~
Bila aku compare balik dgn blog aku.. Oh my gucci...
Skema giler.. (patut la xda org nak baca blog ko kan?? padan muka haha~)
Jadi, officially aku announce bahawa blog aku ini



Siyesly, aku bersumpah untuk meng-improve-kan blog aku yg xseberapa ini
(dan xda pembaca.. perasan jelah ko mamat oi~)
err.. dan untuk kembali blogging sekerap aku update status FB aku~
serta muncul dalam post yg lebih santai seperti HZ..
*oh HZ.. ure my bebeh~~ nyanyi lagu justin bibir~*
haha... nantikanlah blog aku yg tak taw apa nak jadi ni~ huhu..

Lastly, pada sape2 yg ada idea camne nak ubah template blog aku,
or apa komen, idea watsoeva, tolong la plz3 kongsi dgn aku,,,
(korg gak yg nak baca kan.. ngeeee~)
Aku sentiasa open untuk improvements~ lalalala~

Back to hibernating, see you guys soon!~
(macam nak pergi jauh jek.. teehee)~

Baca pelan2 baru paham..

*Sila baca dengan penuh teliti ya....;D*

Story1:
Suatu malam, Senah terdetik hati nak makan2 di sebuah kedai Mamak..
Senah: Ane! mau roti telur sama kuah kari satu..
Mamak: oke..itu roti suda siap!
ngap ngap ngap...setelah sedap2 Senah menjamah rotinya,tiba2 Senah mengamok..
Senah: Woit ane..apa pasal ini kuah kari rasa semacam? ko bagi aku kari basi semalam ke?
Mamak: allo cik adik..lu makan saja suda~ kalu lu mau makan juga kari hari ni, lu datang esok lah.

Story2:
Di rumah sakit, penyakit asma Tok Abah semakin teruk hingga perlu dipasangkan salur tangki oksigen. Dikira sudah menjelang ajal, anaknya pun memanggilkan seorang Mudhin (tukang do’a) agar Tok Abah lebih tenang. Sedang asyik Pak Mudhin berdoa, tiba-tiba muka Tok Abah bertukar biru & tidak boleh bernafas. Tangannya menggigil. Dengan menggunakan bahasa isyarat Tok Abah meminta kertas dan pen. Sisa-sisa tenaga yang ada digunakan oleh Tok Abah untuk menulis sesuatu dan memberi kertas tersebut kepada Pak Mudhin.
Sambil berdoa Pak Mudhin terus menyimpan kertas tersebut tanpa membacanya kerana fikirannya dia tidak sanggup membaca surat wasiat tersebut didepan anak-anak Tok Abah. Tak lama kemudian Tok Abah meninggal dunia. Pada hari ke-7 meninggalnya Tok Abah, Pak Mudhin diundang untuk datang kerumah pusaka arwah..
Selesai berdo’a, Pak Mudhin berbicara, “Saudara-saudara sekalian, ini ada surat wasiat dari arwah Tok Abah yang belum sempat saya sampaikan, yang saya pasti ini adalah nasihat untuk anak cucunya semua. Mari kita sama-sama membaca suratnya”.
Pak Mudhin membaca surat tersebut, yang berbunyi :
“Mudhin jangan berdiri di situ…! Jangan pijak saluran oksigen aku...!”

Story3:
Satu keluarga yang berasal dari Kuala Terengganu nak balik beraya di Kemaman, tapi cuma ada sebuah Kancil je muat untuk 7 orang ahli keluarga tersebut. Maka si ibu kepada keluarga tersebut pun berkata,
Ibu: Guane nih..penuh kete. Dok muak ayoh mu wey!
Ayah: Betul jugok. Guane nok buak nih? Lamo dok sapa kampong.
Ibu: Tujuh oghang dokleh sumbak masuk kete kancil nih. Kecik do’oh.
...Mereka pun memerah otak memikirkan macam mana nak menyelesaikan masalah tersebut. Ruang terlalu sempit untuk tujuh orang, tiba-tiba anak mereka yang paling kecil berkata…
Anak: Abah, umi… Awang tau doh guane nok buak. Kite skarang ade tujuh oghang. Tamboh la soghang lagi. baru jadik ‘LAPANG’…!!!

Story4:
Suatu Petang, di pedalaman Sarawak Kapten Kompeni A (sebuah pasukan tentera) mengumpulkan anak-anak buahnya di khemah logistik.
“Saya ada 2 berita untuk kamu semua, berita baik & berita buruk. Berita baiknya, setelah 6 bulan lamanya, hari ini pakaian dalam kita semua akan diganti…!!”
“Hooreee! Siap, kapten!” jerit seluruh anggota Kompeni dengan gembira.
“Nah, sekarang berita buruknya. Abu, ganti pakaian dalam kamu dengan kepunyaan Ganesan. Ah Keong, kamu ganti dengan kepunyaan Ahmad…..;D”

Story5:
Seorang Suami yang bekerja di luar negara menghantar e-mail kpd isterinya di Malaysia..
"Senah ku sayang,
Bulan ni abang tak dapat memberi duit nafkah kerana duit gaji abang sudah habis dirompak semalam
Walau begitu, abang tetap menyayangi kamu Senah...terima lah ciuman kasih abang ini (muah x100~..)
Yang benar, Suamimu."
———————-
Seminggu lepas itu isterinya membalas…*
"Kakanda sayang,
Senah terima ikhlas tanda ciuman kasih abang itu, di bawah adalah senarai perbelanjaan…
1. Stok susu selama sebulan dari Muthu dengan bayaran 2 ciuman.
2. Orang Elektrik dari TNB pula dibayar dengan harga 7 ciuman.
3. Haji Seman pula bersetuju datang rumah setiap hari untuk menerima 2 atau 3 ciuman sebagai ganti duit sewa rumah.
4. Untuk belian barang2 dapur dari Kedai runcit Ah Keong, saya terpaksa berhutang kerana Ah Keong tak terima ciuman. jadi saya terpaksa ganti dengan bayaran lain...(harap awak tidak marah..)
5. Barang2 serta bil2 lain jumlahnya 40 ciuman.
Namun, abang tidak perlu risau kerana masih ada baki 35 ciuman lagi untuk belanja bulan depan.
Yang dikasihi, Isterimu"

Story6:
FAKTA !!
1. Kamu akan membaca sebuah fakta.
2. Namun, kamu akan terfikir yang mungkin ini adalah satu lagi fakta bodoh.
4. Kamu tak sedar no.3 tiada dalam senarai.
5. Sekarang kamu memeriksanya.
6. Dan kamu tersenyum.
7. Kamu masih terus membaca komen ini.
8. Kamu sedar yang komen2 diatas tadi semuanya adalah benar.
10. Kamu tak sedar lagi no.9 tiada dalam senarai.
11. Sekarang kamu memeriksanya.
12. Kamu tak perasan yang cuma terdapat 10 fakta sahaja yang tertulis.
Kerana ia adalah Fakta....

Sekian~

IT lesson??

Dear IT Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slow down in the
overall performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, but installed undesirable programs such as EPL 5.0, NBA 3.0 and ESPN 2.0. And now Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and House Cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these
problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?


Signed,
Desperate

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Reply:

Dear Desperate,

First keep in mind; Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an
operating system. Try entering the command C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and download Tears 6.2 to install Guilt 3.0.

If all works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Late Night Teh Tarik 6.1. Late Night 6.1 is a very bad program that will create SnoringLoudly.wav files.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-Law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 6.9.


Good Luck,
IT Support

Pity The Pilot..

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in their jobs.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet, "which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough...
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit...
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield...
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear...
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud...
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick..
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative...
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield...
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing...
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums...
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit...
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last... ... ... ... ... ...

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer
S: Took hammer away from midget